Open windows.
Someone told you that angels slip in the window and hold your hands as you die. Your last breath escapes with a whisper and they rescue your soul from a frail, broken body. Slipping through the open window, they bring you from this world to the next, helping you find your way Home.
I went to you and whispered my goodbyes. I told you I loved you and that you are the kind of woman that makes me proud of my family. I told you I would be okay and that I would make sure my mother was okay, too. You couldn’t talk – only with your eyes and the nod of your head – so I asked through my tears if you loved me, too. You nodded and closed your eyes as a tear fell out and landed against the folds of your nursing home sheets.
It’s so hard to say goodbye to someone who shaped your whole life.
I love my grandmother so much. As much as I will miss her, I wish for her peace to come quietly and with haste. This cancer has taken too much from her. To suffer like that is unbearable.
I opened the window of her room before I left.
Please keep her in your prayers as she prepares for this journey.
Comments
I just said a prayer for your grandmother.
And for your mother.
And for you.
And for your brother and sister.
And for the rest of your family that you haven't mentioned but that love your grandmother, too.
Posted by: Allison | October 26, 2006 01:08 PM
*in my prayers tonight sweetie*
can't do much good over the internet but keep well.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted by: vicki | October 26, 2006 01:12 PM
Your words are so powerful, and your strength a beacon. I am proud to call you friend.
My heart is with you, Sister.
- Laura
Posted by: SparkleMotion | October 26, 2006 01:24 PM
You and yours are in my thoughts, Kerri.
tek
Posted by: tekakwitha | October 26, 2006 01:42 PM
Oh, those Grandma's are so hard to say goodbye to.
Wishing you peace in the days ahead.
Posted by: Minnesota Nice | October 26, 2006 01:45 PM
Just popped over to check out your site after your thoughtful comment on my site.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandma. I lost mine last April after a extended battle with cancer.
I hope the angels sing loud and clear when your grandma joins them, and I wish you and your family all the strength in the world to cope with your loss.
This was a beautiful post. It was a pleasure to meet you.
Posted by: Redneck Mommy | October 26, 2006 01:48 PM
What a gift you gave your grandma providing her with love during her final moments.
Angels will take good care of her.
Posted by: Shannon | October 26, 2006 02:23 PM
You're all in my thoughts, Kerri.
Sending many hugs to you and the rest of your wonderful family.
Posted by: Sandra Miller | October 26, 2006 02:25 PM
I remember one visit with my grandmother who had advanced alzheimers and was not able to speak anymore. She was always a warm, loving person so I was surprised when she got very agitated every time I told her "I love you Grandma." Finally, I said to her: it's okay that you can't say it grandma, we know you love us very much.
And she quieted.
I hope your grandmother's passing is easy and your family's grief is tempered by good memories.
Posted by: artsweet | October 26, 2006 02:25 PM
I'm very sorry to hear about your grandma.
Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy. Though the depth of emotions we feel at such a time reflect how important that loved one was.
You and yours are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Kevin | October 26, 2006 02:28 PM
Kerri-
Keep all the happy memories of your grandmother close to your heart. Feel her love, and she will be your strength if times get tough. Always remember that some of the last words you spoke to her were, "I love you." My thoughts are with you and your family.
Posted by: Brooke | October 26, 2006 02:41 PM
Take care of yourself. Sounds like things are tough right now.
Posted by: Sarah | October 26, 2006 02:53 PM
Hey Kerri,
Thinking of you and your family.
You remember I lost my mom not too long ago from cancer too. It's a tough thing to go through. But I also take comfort in knowing that she is not suffering any longer.
That doesn't make it easier though.
Take care Kerri, and let me know if there is anything I can do.
Posted by: Scott K. Johnson | October 26, 2006 03:11 PM
Kerri, you and your family are in my prayers.
Posted by: Kelsey | October 26, 2006 03:16 PM
You and your family are in my thoughts as well. May whatever comes next be as wonderful as she deserves.
Posted by: Zazzy | October 26, 2006 04:01 PM
I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma. I will be thinking of you and your family as you go through this difficult time. Please know that you have all of the OC's support.
Posted by: Jamie | October 26, 2006 04:26 PM
Kerri-
I understand what a struggle this must be for you and your family. Keep hold of the happy memories with your grandma. Thinking of you.
Take care!
Posted by: flmgodog | October 26, 2006 04:37 PM
Kerri,
You're all in my thoughts and prayers-take care.
-Heidi
Posted by: Anonymous | October 26, 2006 04:55 PM
She apologized.
She said she was sorry that she didn't make it. The last time we visited, she refused to feel the baby kick, as if she didn't want to begin a bond that she couldn't fulfill. Now she's sorry, that even a fleeting moment of meeting another grandchild is worth more than an eternity of waiting.
Its anyday now, for both of them. Maybe they'll wave as they pass each other on their journey up and down the proverbial stairway.
I'm thankful for having the chance, but its just so hard to say goodbye. Goodbye to someone who loved you before you were even born.
Everyone offers their condolences, and you know many of them are looking back at that moment to where they lost someone, where their life changed, when there was an empty chair at the table.
You are my last grandparent. As your eyes close, the little boy pretending to be a man, openly weeps to see you leave.
Bye Grambo. It's ok. You will see her.
Posted by: Darrell | October 26, 2006 06:36 PM
many thoughts with you and your family right now.
remember you are so lucky to have known your grandmother (and other grandparents, I assume) - some of us aren't so lucky.
Posted by: Rachel | October 26, 2006 07:42 PM
You're in my thoughts Kerri
Posted by: caramaena | October 26, 2006 08:59 PM
Prayers are going up and love and hugs are being sent your way. Thank you for the posts where you have shared this wonderful woman with all of us. Please remember you are a part of who she is and so she will always be with you.
Viv
Posted by: Vivian | October 26, 2006 09:34 PM
Oh, Kerri, I'm so sorry. You've written a sad and lovely post.
Hold on to your memories of her. Share them with those you love. I really believe that by sharing those memories, we keep the person alive in our hearts.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Posted by: julia | October 26, 2006 10:17 PM
you are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Lea | October 27, 2006 02:46 AM
Hi, I found your blog while browsing on World of Blogs. Read this post and thought I'd leave a comment. When my (maternal) grandmother died, I was standing outdoors a few streets away and a large tiger butterfly flew at me and brushed past my face. In that moment I thought "That's Granny". I knew she had passed on at that moment. It's like she was (we all are?) a cocoon in this body and when she died she was free of it (to be the butterfly). May her transition be peaceful for her and for those who love her.
Posted by: Elspeth | October 27, 2006 06:11 AM
I'm sorry Kerri, but, she will be watching over you in some better place...Hey maybe your grandmother and mine can be pals up in that place in the sky somewhere...
I think about my grandmother often and how she passed away when I was so young ( I was 9) back then, she was the only person I ever wanted to be with, I slept there every single weekend and she would always yell at me when I sat on her blue shaggy rug in the living room eating a $12 jar of Pinoli nuts as I sat watching Saturday morning cartoons.
I think of how when all the bad things that have happend to me and how maybe she was the one watching over me when I got hit by a car, how maybe I gained her strength when I was going through a tough patch last year...
And when I get married I know she will be there because she is always in my heart.
Your grandmother will always be with you too, and you were so blessed to have her in your life for so long and now she isn't suffering anymore, she is somewhere peaceful.
Remember all the good things about her to keep you smiling.
Posted by: Gina | October 27, 2006 08:43 AM
Kerri-
You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
We wish you all the good thoughts in the world.
Posted by: Elizabeth Zabell | October 27, 2006 01:08 PM
How appropriate I'm reading this today, after wrapping up a two day training at my new job - with the American Cancer Society. I promise you, Kerri, I'll do everything I can to help others who are fighting cancer - and to eradicate this disease - without once stopping my efforts toward making diabetes - and the suffering it causes - history as well.
Sending you my best, and knowing you'll be so strong - it will make your grandmother as proud as proud can be.
xo, N
Posted by: Nicole | October 27, 2006 02:20 PM