One of Those Diabetes Days.
Funny thing, stress. It’s a sneaky little bugger.
Despite the fact that I’m doing my best to continue on with business as usual, good ol’ diabetes has reared its ugly head. Instead of lying quietly and letting me mourn, stress has chosen this time to join the fray and make me grumpy.
Feeling a little too crummy to eat? Don’t worry. Stress levels will keep my bloodsugars cruising neatly around 250 mg/dl, making my stomach ache with loss and hunger and hyperglycemia, all at the same time. How much insulin does it take to cover a bowl of oatmeal? On any other day, three units, but these past few days, it takes about five units coursing through me to keep me under 200 mg/dl. Mind too busy to sleep? Good. Stay up all night, end up tangled in the blankets, and only acheive REM once, or so it seems. My eyes close and then a
ll of a sudden the alarm is nagging me, causing me to unsnuggle from the bed and wander towards the shower. Morning sugars are fine but they immediately become chaotic once I am awake for an hour or so.
I changed my pump set this morning and have been enjoying a sticky 307 mg/dl for the last 45 minutes, climbing from the 202 mg/dl I was at 10 o'clock this morning. I am waiting to see if this bolus starts to bring me down (thus making the site valid) or if it will require a rip and reset. My eyes feel like they're tethered by extra tendons, aching every time I move them. And my skin feels tight and dry, despite the water I'm trying to chug. I'm like a miserable lizard. I'm liz-rible. Which makes me laugh to think about but at the same time, it's contributing to an already-elevated stress level.
Then I read posts like Martha's and Scott's and I feel like this is just One of Those Diabetes Days.
Maybe hitting the gym will help. Or reading the new Jennifer Weiner book I picked up this weekend. (Hey Julia, have you read this one? It's shaping up to be pretty good so far.) I realize that this is what happens when you lose someone you love and the daily bits of stress seem magnified as a result. And I know this stress will pass. But while it's here, I'm not enjoying it.
Tomorrow: The Flu Shot Emmy Award
Comments
Sorry about your day, although Jennifer Weiner can likely make you forget it for awhile--are you reading her new one of short stories?
Posted by: Lyrehca | November 6, 2006 01:13 PM
L - Her new one. "The Guy Not Taken". I'm only about a chapter into it but she is such a nice, comforting read. :)
Posted by: Kerri. | November 6, 2006 01:41 PM
Yeah, I'm waiting for my request to pop up at the library (I requested it when it first came out in September). Her stuff is great. Have you read the rest of her books?
Posted by: Lyrehca | November 6, 2006 01:58 PM
(((hug)))
Posted by: Penny | November 6, 2006 02:26 PM
Hey Kerri,
That stress is a sneaky bugger indeed. It would not be so bad if we could quantify it, and apply some formula to it. But, no, it's one of those things that can't be figured out.
Those highs are just shit aren't they? They have you taking 20 second blinks, just trying to catch a breath of sleep here and there.
And I appreciate the whole wait and see thing on the site. It's hard to figure out when you have so much else pulling you off course.
I've been extra crabby lately too, and I think it's because I have an endo appt. on Friday.
Why do I get so emotionally wrapped up in it?! Urg.
May your BG's come down and you feel less liz-rible (I had to chuckle at that!).
Posted by: Scott K. Johnson | November 6, 2006 02:40 PM
These days suck! We are fighting the night instead of the day so much, Daniel is running anywhere from 300-500+ at night and nothing will bring him down. He wakes up feeling liz-rible too. Hang in there.
Posted by: Vivian | November 6, 2006 02:51 PM
You think you got it bad, try digesting Anonymous ;)
Love ya, baby
Posted by: SparkleMotion | November 6, 2006 02:52 PM
Oh Kerri, I hope tomorrow proves to be better for you! Liz-ribleness sucks!
Posted by: George | November 6, 2006 04:43 PM
When you're feeling really down and blue, just think about the fact that you're last name isn't Weiner.
Hang in there.
Posted by: Shannon | November 6, 2006 06:00 PM
Dear Kerri,
I'm channeling sympathy your way. Grief is one of the worst stressers--there is no way to squelch it, and the diabetes monster loves it in all its manifestations (especially the ones that result in cookie-binges. I speak from experience). Hugs to you. Down with diabetes!
Posted by: Nic | November 6, 2006 06:15 PM
L - I've read all of her books, but none of her short stories. I didn't even know she had written any. I'll research that tonight.
Penny, Vivian, and George - Thanks. :) I'm hoping tomorrow will be less liz-erable.
Scott - Those highs are crummy. I can't stand them. I'd rather suffer 15 minutes of a low than 5 hours above 300. Grrr. And I'm forever emotionally wrapped up in everything, so I know what you mean. It will get better, though. :)
SparkleLauraMotion - Give a good burp and anonymous will settle and digest properly. Go ahead... and I love you, too.
Shannon - Weiner. I bought her first books solely because her last name was Weiner. Good thing she's a good writer, too, because otherwise I'd keep buying crap books due to "weiner."
Weiner. Ha ha!
Posted by: Kerri. | November 6, 2006 06:22 PM
Nic - I was replying as you were commenting. Thanks for those good thoughts and yes, I think I have a cookie binge a-brewin'. :)
Posted by: Kerri. | November 6, 2006 06:23 PM
I keep giggling about "Weiner". I once heard someone on TV pronounce her name as Winer. Sort of like in "Young Frankenstein" when they're arguing over whether to pronounce his name as Frankenstine, or Frankensteen.
It's Weiner as in Weener...get over it, LOL.
Posted by: Shannon | November 6, 2006 07:36 PM
Kerri, I'm not going to try to say anything too wise or insightful. I think you have heard it all.
Just know that we out here in the O.C. do care.
I keep trying to put a grumpy Kerri image in my head and it's not working for me. I don't think it's you, dear.
Feel better sonn!
Posted by: Johnboy | November 6, 2006 08:15 PM
Oh Kerri-
I'm so sorry.
If it helps, you're not alone-- Joseph spent the day bouncing between the 2 and 300s.
All day this kid has been guzzling fluids and cranky as all get out. ... sigh.
I'm hoping you both feel better very soon.
(((HUGS)))
Sandra
Posted by: Sandra Miller | November 6, 2006 08:24 PM
I haven't read her new book yet. I'll reserve it at the library.
It's a full moon - that always seems to mess O up something fierce.
Posted by: julia | November 6, 2006 09:45 PM
I can relate. Not my grandma, but I lost my dad in Jan. 2005 and my levels were all over the place after that...
I leave you with this, to hopefully help you heal: I grieve, by Peter Gabriel. It was a song that brought an unexplainable level of solace to my soul back then.
Posted by: Manny Hernandez | November 6, 2006 10:47 PM