What We Document.: Solving for "Why."
Dexcom graphs that look like gigantic Ms and Ws? I see those all the time. But when I sift through the pile of photos I have on my computer (in the folder marked "Diabetes Crap;" I can write real good, Ma), the Dexcom graphs I see are all pretty. Nice, straight lines or soft bell curves, without the sharp angles.
I know these pictures aren't representative of how my diabetes is controlled, on a day-to-day basis. There are way more times that I'm muttering "You stupid jerkface pancreas ..." than moments when I want to whip out my camera and take a snapshot for posterity. But I like having these happier photos outnumber the ones that make me grimace, because when I need a lift, it's nice to have a catalog to draw from. This is what I chose to document, visually, because it inspires me to earn this photo opportunity again, you know?
I chose to document this, because it made me feel good.
May will mark the end of my seventh year blogging at SUM (and starts the eighth year - jeepers), and when I look back through the archives, I'm weirdly proud to see a diversity in what's documented. There are some really high moments (high as in "emotionally high," not "OMG, how did that 312 mg/dL sneak in there?" high), like when the Bird was born or when Chris and I got married. And then there are low moments, like trying to be a strong advocate for PWDs while going through burnout, or when blue candles start peppering our Facebook feeds.
And then I look at other people's blogs (holy crap, there are a lot of us!), and see that they're chronicling the good, bad, and decidedly 'eh' of life with diabetes. The real stuff. It's crazy how honest we are with the Internet. I see people writing about things online that they might not be sharing with their doctor. Or their coworkers. Or their very closest friends. But it's shared here, and there's a power to sharing our stories.
I'm amazed at what we chose to document, as a community. From celebrations of a no-hitter to scoring a quality pair of blue shoes, to difficult moments of feeling burnt out and admitting that we're struggling, what we document shows our strength as a community. We're not afraid to share the stuff that really scares us, or empowers us, and we have one another to mark different milestones with. What we share, as a global community, could help any one of us improve our health, emotionally and physically.
Diabetes isn't a perfect math where you can just solve for X. Usually, we're solving for "why." And part of that equation is acknowledging, and appreciating, the sum of our community and what we document, every day.
Comments
Amen. I don't think people truly appreciate the "work" we do as diabetics everyday. I get dizzy sometimes thinking of how much planning around meals/exercise/insulin goes into my everyday life. Add on a 10 month old baby to the mix, and day to day life can get pretty hairy....remembering to feed her on time, but forgetting myself?? Argh - have to remember sometimes - my airplane mask before hers. It's a juggling act for sure, and many times I'm a clutz, but we do the best we can for our health, and for the love of a full life with our family and friends.
Posted by: Rhonda | January 31, 2012 11:58 AM
"Diabetes isn't a perfect math where you can just solve for X. Usually, we're solving for "why." And part of that equation is acknowledging, and appreciating, the sum of our community and what we document, every day."
this is so powerful, beautiful, and true! *tear*
Posted by: Anonymous | January 31, 2012 01:03 PM
Well said. I can't really find an easier way to explain that SUM has helped me realize I'm not alone with the insanity of the "betes".
While I have had 1 great Doctor in my 14 years (eek) with this disease, the rest have been discouraging, making me feel horrible about the control that I may or may not have on any given day. I don't have any family or friends with this disease, so while they support me in theory, they don't really "get" me or what I deal with on a daily basis. SUM does. So thank you.
Posted by: Jenn | January 31, 2012 02:05 PM
I was just despairing over my Dexcom graphs last night, comparing it to your pretty ones. I wish you would post some crappy ones! I feel like my Dex is just a form of torment, rather than any big help.
Posted by: Anne | January 31, 2012 02:06 PM
Anne - Check this mess out:
http://sixuntilme.com/blog2/2011/09/batting_practice.html
Posted by: Kerri. | January 31, 2012 02:33 PM
:-) Nice and ugly!
Posted by: Anne | January 31, 2012 05:04 PM
You know what gets me-is that when I post about the good stuff, I feel guilty. I shouldn't feel guilty, I work my ass off for this, but why does diabetes come with such guilt? It isn't always good for me, and I post about that too, but how come when I post good graphs/experiences I have those feelings like I'm rubbing it in people's faces? Why must diabetes come with so many feelings?
Posted by: Linds | January 31, 2012 05:43 PM
The sum of what we document. I see what you did there.
Seriously though, I like the idea that we're all knowingly or even unknowingly contributing to some kind of virtual time capsule of diabetes memories for someone to unearth 100 years in the future on what will be the futuristic version of microfilm.
Posted by: Chris | January 31, 2012 08:21 PM
Ha. I got Grimace-rolled. That was fun.
Posted by: Harry | January 31, 2012 09:17 PM
Way to go
Posted by: dave Hennesey | January 31, 2012 10:09 PM
i'm wondering where you get the rubber covers for your CGM? i'll be getting mine soon, and want a couple of those!! thank you!
Posted by: Shay Batte | February 1, 2012 06:20 PM
Reading SUM is a positive part of my PWD journey. Thanks and congrats on 7 years!. I am joining CGM family this month. And then it dawns on me, with a CGM, it's a good thing to see a "flat line..." on your medical device. LOL.
Posted by: Mike | February 1, 2012 11:35 PM
Wow, 7 years. Happy almost diaversary, Kerri. Thank you for doing what you do, for sharing so much, and just being yourself.
Posted by: Mike Hoskins | February 2, 2012 04:16 PM
Nice one - as a 20 something male some of your posts draw eye rolls and nausea based on the subject matter - kids and marriage aren't on the horizon let alone my radar...BUT when you touch on the commonalities that are universal across PWD it takes the edge off that burn out from time to time :)
Keep it up and good luck with the 8th year!
Posted by: Jeff | February 2, 2012 05:44 PM
It's been 8 years on my dia-journey. Your "x for why" made me LOL! Stay strong!
Posted by: Valerie | February 7, 2012 09:14 PM
lol grimace. keep on truckin.
Posted by: shannon | February 8, 2012 01:21 PM